SELFLESSNESS

                 DON'T YOU JUST LOVE HIGH SCHOOL

For a while, I hated high school. Its like everything just chose to happen to me for the first time there. Puberty, seriousness, love, stupid external exams. I'm serious! Before high school I was a normal, belt and flower socked innocent kid, then I entered and became a diva. Everyone just wanted to piss everyone off and the teachers; Whew! Don't let me even go there. Crushes were cute before then. :) we would swing, walk around the playground, share the same lollipop, play with each others toys and all those little things, but in high school we all know crushes were torture. Dudes, you guys had to watch your beloved crush fall over some guy who would never care and she friend zones you critically, and girls, well you had to watch the guys screw over other girls and take no notice of us. Well until they were wrecked then they'll come back to you as their back up plan. Think about it, we knew nothing. We were clueless about love but we dated anyway, hustling but we hustled anyway, even our homework was a problem but thanks to that nerd we dubbed anyway. Life was supposed to be easy but we wanted it complicated, you know taste the hard way, feel like adults at what fourteen, fifteen, sixteen? Let's face it; for most of y'all who got your first kiss in high school how was it; awkward, intense, confusing, did she bite you...yeah so I thought. And where was it; under the staircase, in the library, behind the tree. Guys come on we read a lot of useless meanings into the shallowest topics. Which teacher slapped which student, who had swallow for lunch when everyone was having rice, who fell down, who breathed out carbon dioxide, who sagged, the Mr Perfect whom every girl wanted to date, new shoes. Come on, WHO CARES! I can't believe I did, and thinking back I just wanna slap myself.

But let's face it, there are somethings we miss. No matter how high school was, there are still some things we always looked forward to. Those things that made our stay fun and exciting, those things we laugh at when we think back at those good  but not so old days. Well here are some of those incidents.

1. THE UNASKED FOR, OVER WHELMING, STUPID, HUMILIATING, ENTERTAINING FIGHT OVER A HOMOSAPIEN MALE GENDER

Well playing the two delusional females are going to be Tina and Jade (sorry if you bear that name) and the ego maniac two strands of beard soon-to-be-man would be Sam

Meanwhile everyone is in class. Some guys are at a corner sitting on lockers and chairs finding everything funny, some girls are doing the same at another corner. Some geeks are pretending to read their books in the noisy class, while I'm just here reading a novel

Tina:Jade I heard what you said about I and Sam. You have to give it a rest.
Jade:(confused) I don't get it Tina
Tina: please don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. Last night you were telling Paula in the hostel that the only reason Sam is dating me is because I asked him out and he doesn't want me feeling bad
Jade: Tina I didn't say that
Tina: well someone heard you so you can't deny it. Jade what is your problem (starting to raise her voice and getting more of the class' attention) you always want everything I want. I filled in for assistant social prefect, you filled in too, I always pack my hair up to school, you also started copying me, now you are after Sam too.
(Meanwhile, Sam is at a corner feeling like a boss)
Jade: Tina please respect yourself. I don't want to date Sam for anything besides I don't want any thing to do with him or any guy I'm just sixteen and not old enough(sniffs). So you can go back to dating Sam or whatever his name is, I don't care
Tina: is that so? Then why were you saying all those things
Jade: Tina. Whoever told you those things is lying
Tina: No Jade you are the only liar here. You're so stupid acting like you are one knows it all
(Jade stands up and walks out. Tina follows her)
Tina:no wonder your dad divorced your mom b_: (Jade turns back and gives her a dirty slap and they both start fighting)
Lol.....I don't know if I got the whole secondary school scenario because its been a while....I've grown too old but we all know that the next news that would go round is Tina and Jade were fighting over Sam. And well Sam won't deny it and for the two, well, they'll live with the stigma but they'll get over it and move on

2. THE IMMATURE, SICK TO THE STOMACH, NASTY, INSENSITIVE, MOVE OF BETTING ON GIRLS
Ugh! I hate this one sooo much. Till today I wonder what guys gained by doing it. Its was soooo unfortunate we had WAEC and NECO and like 12 subjects to focus on but some guys still had time for that. Okay playing the group of NFAs, newly ordained SS1s, testosterone filled, men like apes are Tom, Rick(I would've gone for Dick but never mind) and Harry and the beautiful but big headed girl is Tessy.(Pardon me if I don't sound like a guy but I'll try)
Act 1 Scene 1 (at the football field after a smelling game of football)
Tom: Dude you won't believe what Tessy did to me in the tuckshop today
Harry: this Tessy girl don dey cross her boundaries o, na all guys don dey complain say she too proud, she too dey feel big and all
Rick:Harry chillax. Tom, wetin she do
Tom: I was coming out of the tuckshop. You know the way that place is always crowded and then she grabbed me
(Harry sits up)
Tom: yes ooo.....she said I stepped on her in a full tuck shop and she figured out that i was the one who stepped her
Harry: then what did she do
Tom: she started insulting me and seriously embarrassing me in front of my juniors.
Harry: (exclamation) argh! Didn't you slap her
Tom: I threatened her but it didn't work. And I couldn't slap her, Bolaji (referring to Tessy's SSS3 friend) was there
Rick: Tom I would blame you, you didn't set your boundaries from the onset. You see girls don't just mess with me anyhow. they know their levels
Harry: this thing is seriously disturbing. Tessy needs to be dealt with
Rick: Harry abeg. You are forming boss here when you can't even talk to the girl
Harry: what are you saying?
Tom:  Its true Harry
Harry: abeg abeg, make we bet am, I'll ask her out and she'll agree
Rick: Oya nau.... U think say e sure for u abi
(Harry extends his pinky finger to Rick)
Harry: for your cabin biscuit milo and 2k (shaking my head)
Tom: rick we go share ooo
(Rick hooks Harris pinky finger with his)..............


TWO WEEKS LATER
(in class) everyone is busy doing one thing or the other and I'm sitted at a corner reading a novel
Tessy: harry you said you wanted to tell me something
Harry: (standing on the locker) yes! (Getting the whole class' attention)
Tessy: (embarrassed)what....come down
Harry: tess,nits over between us. You are so dumb you can't even see when someone is using you. We had a bet on you since you feel you are so proud and can't date SS1 boys we proved you wrong so I'm done with you. Its over between us!
(Tess runs out of the class).

Wow.....that was dramatic .An additional ego to Harry's big head and a downfall for Tess which well, would be heard all over the school. Its a good thing I was never found in that situation.... Yeah! I was never bet on and since that regime is over, I'll never be :)....where was I?

3. THE COLLOSAL WASTE OF TIME, WASTE OF RESOURCES, WASTE OF ENERGY, WASTE OF.....EVERYTHING GIRL GOSSIP
We girls can talk of anything. We can turn the weirdest thing into a topic; an afro, always ultra advertisement, a guy's new haircut, fingernails, hangouts, who we saw with who, and so on...........I'm a girl so I know it all. Well in secondary school, the gist was more like this

Playing the lip gloss wearing, oestrogene and progesterone filled, sassy, soon to be 70kg mothers in the next 12 years females are Jill, Cindy, Brandy and Monica
ACTION!

In an empty class room
Brandy: I was watching this maltina advertisement at home this morning!
Cindy: yeah I've watched it. The one where the guy looks like usher
Monica : pleaseeeee, everyone looks like usher these days. Even Nate looks like Usher
Jill: I heard Nate is dating  Annabelle now. She should better be smart, he's in ss3 and once he gets into uni he won't have her time
Cindy: I heard too but we don't know if its true.
Jill: it is. Isn't that what happened in the case of Tina and Fred
Monica: yes ooo, they continued denying it until the day teachers caught them at the pavilion
Brandy:well that's their business I don't care
Monica: Brandy didn't you like Nate
Brandy: a long time ago until I realized how he used to play girls.
Jill: yeah. Even sasha
Brandy: he touched Sasha?
Jill: I heard. I'm not surprised
Brandy: well I don't care. I like Paul now. He told me yesterday he likes me and sooner or later he'll ask me out
Cindy: can you believe Shola and John are dating
Brandy: yes shola didn't even take it easy. One week after breaking up with Greg
Cindy: well we all know Shola. she went out with Mr Kenny
Brandy: how did you know that
Cindy: reliable source. Well have you seen the movie longest yard? Watched it yesterday on DSTV
Brandy: my mom is yet to step up our Dstv
Monica: we still watch galaxy in our house so better rejoice
Jill: (laughs) well same here.
Brandy: do you know shola was bragging that they have dstv in their house, when I went there last week it was NTA she put for me
Monica: why am I not surprised.........and bla bla bla woof woof

Notice how the topic goes advert-boys-tv-shola(who know what next) well that's girls for you we just know how to put things together and make it bogus. Well moving on to my last and final illusion and by far the most popular high school drama is

4.THE IMMATURE, PUPPY, SHABBY, NOT AS ADORABLE AS IT SHOULD BE LOVE OR SHOULD I SAY RELATIONSHIP BUT RELATIONSHIP IS TOO GOOD A WORD
Some say love is a soft song, some say its all roses on bed and red wine while some say love is eternal. But we all know in secondary school; love was pain.

Now here are two juveniles that want to break up. Playing the tired boyfriend is Jack and the expectant girlfriend is Jill. Ok here it goes

Jack: Jill I have something to tell you
Jill: (smiling) ok
Jack: we've been fighting a lot and I'm beginning to get tired of it
Jill: so......we can work things out
Jack: No.....people look up to me now as the newly elected social prefect. Plus Mr. Abolaji knows about us so........... (brief pause)
Jill: soooooo what (starting to realize wats going on)
Jack: we can't continue
Jill: so, u're breaking up with me
Jack: I'm sorry Jill
Jill: I'm supposed to be the one to break up with you. Guys don't break up with girls
Jack: we could still be friends
Jill: no I can't be friends with someone like you. We're  done
Jack: no I'm supposed to be the one saying that. I broke up with you first
(Jill walks away angrily)

Lol.....relationships were just a whole bunch of immature and funny teenagers getting together and if you check,  less than two percent of high school sweethearts stay together after it all. So we were just whiling away time, and I'm sure no Nigeria youth is a part of that two percent

Well those amazing times we had, those times we were bullied by seniors who felt they carried the school on their shoulders are unforgettable. You remember the nerd that found it hard to blend in, that no girl gave a chance, mere seeing you with him would divide your social status into two, well he's in UI now, he's studying medicine and is a total bombshell, he doesn't wear those glasses anymore, has realized how to use a comb and he has this total upper body macho energy going on now. Well you could've said yes and waited three more years.
And that girl, that short chubby girl that you fled from, she's in Houston State University now, she's so slim now you won't believe she's the one. She uses lipstick now! She has finally realized that fish mouth jeans ain't sexy, you should see her now and watch your mouth drop. Plus she has a tongue ring. Results made us scared, well that was then and swagz was refusal of your teachers punishment, well you won't try that with your lecturer,  would you? I miss re book bags, pop socks, black divers, crow backs, rubber bracelets, check uniforms and the time when sexy was unbuttoning the first button of your uniform  (unless u actually wore pinafore or Mary s lessor blouses)

But no matter the crazy, bitter or sweet times I had in high school, they still make most of the amazing times of my life. Where I looked forward to breaks, closing hours and gists. Where we would struggle at the tuckshop to get confectioneries and seat around in the pavilion. Life was easier then and things keep getting complicated with time I mean look at me, those days I just wrote and gave it out to people to read, no big dreams really, now I want to be a writer, get published and I've turned to such a dreamer its beginning to scare me. We didn't care about our weight or if we had abs or chest or all those things, we just lived life every single day.
No mistaking it, I love the way I'm growing and if I wake up one morning and find myself in my high school uniform, I'ld totally freak out. But we all have to admit it, those six years of our lives are full of unforgettable events and we are glad we had them