GUYS: WHAT WE HATE ABOUT YOU BUT WOULDN’T TELL YOU

Guys, you need to read this specially. Trust me you’ll thank me later this is a write-up that would change your life and make you….i don’t know, girl palatable. Now as a girl, I’m here to betray my kind, spit it all out, tell you those things you do that make us roll our eyes behind your back and go “oh please” or “seriously”. Yeah they are the things that secretly steer our anger while we smile outside and bitch you up inside. Have you ever gone on a date with a babe and you thought everything was going fine but the next day you called and she ignored your calls? What exactly did you do wrong? Exactly, I don’t think you know. Okay here are three babes complaining about their boyfriends.

Blaze, Ope and Esther in their room over a bag of chips

Esther looks at her phone and hisses

Ope: Esther what’s up

Esther: (Almost yelling) it’s Patrick ooo. Can you believe that guy is asking me to come over after what happened yesterday?

Ope: (confused) really, he can still ask you to come over

Blaze: What happened yesterday?

Esther: Okay, we were supposed to see the notebook together yesterday at his place. It was supposed to be romantic and all. I got the movie a thousand naira. I wanted an original and I wanted it to be clear so I suggested to him that we see it together he said he was down. Just for me to get to his house and see him screaming at the TV with his friends over a game of football. He didn’t even notice when I walked in. he said it was game night. Can you believe I had to join them and pretend I was enjoying the game?

Blaze: Wow that must have been awful

Esther: well I’m not going anywhere today I’m staying right here.

Ope: Well at least your case isn’t critical

Esther: what do you mean?

Ope: Ken doesn’t want to grow up. I mean you need to see the way he dresses and the friends he hangs out with. He now has a new annoying hobby apart from his Xbox and his posters

Blaze: What

Ope: Music. He now wants to become a musician. You need to hear what he gave me to listen to yesterday, I didn’t know what to say it was disturbing all I was hearing was ass and twerk and bum………ugh

Blaze: My boyfriend has a job and mature friends but the rate of overconfidence in him and forwardness is going to make me kill him

Esther: Tell me about it

Blaze: he feels he’s too smart, I’m fortunate to have him. He feels like no game can use him as game. He’s simply damn cocky

Ope: eww I can’t stand that

Blaze: just yesterday when I was like baby I need to talk to you. He went ‘Is it about money. Just chill I’ve not been paid yet’ who said anything about money; it was about one of his colleagues that was hitting on me. He just killed the discussion………………………………..

Now this is how a typical pissed off girl sounds like to her friends but not to you. She will obviously smile at the music you spent money producing in a studio and diss you in front of her girls or pretend like she is having a great time when she isn’t. Something about we girls is we can put on a beautiful camouflage. I mean we thought the chameleons! So I did a little survey and asked some girls on my contact list this question

“What is it a guy does that pisses you off but you can’t tell him”

Well I got much answers but I’m just gonna put up a few

BJ: Comparing me with another girl. Or when we are together and another chic passes, they stare or pass comments and expect me to do the same

RONKE: Being all over me. You know attaché

YOSHAWTY: If he talks too much and is always complaining about everything

SYLLA: when they don’t listen to me even when I’m blabbing and when they lie

ANONYMUS: Fakeness lying and cheating.

Well; from my own point of view what are those things guys do that get on my nerves secretly? Well here are four of them

WHEN YOUR CRAPPY STYLE

This segment is divided into two

1.       Your tacky dressing

2.       Your nauseating swags

Okay lets start with issue one

WHEN YOUR DRESSING IS TACKY

Seriously this is a serious issue which some guys haven’t realized yet. You think you are doing it right you know got your sh*t together with those snapbacks and high tops or whatever you have on your feet and you’ll probably make all the girls wow at you and if possible faint. No offense but you got it bad. We girls don’t like too much. Have you ever heard of the saying less is more? Yeah your dressing passes a lot of message about you; if you are a crack head or a regular hottie, what you would rather do with your time, if you are the responsible or irresponsible type, what you’d rather purchase in a store; a pair of screwdrivers for your engineering project or a bottle of cough medicine. If you are going for lectures and you put on a T-shirts, a varsity jacket (even if you play no sport whatsoever), chinos, ………………….you are not going to impress the right girl with that. First impression; I’ll think you are an unserious jerk still leaving his glorious secondary school days thinking he can go around breaking hearts with some fake snapbacks. Ease on the dressing and you would be surprised how things would work out for you. You are no music artist even wizkid has thrown his snapbacks away (I guess). You wanna know how we view you dress  like that?

Sincerely speaking, I’m here for you. Ease on the fabrics it says a lot about you. Too much is just tacky and ugh. I did a little survey and asked a few girls who they’ll rather date between this two, this were the results

So you see……no one wants to date a catalog guy with snapbacks and supras and if you still dress like this; change your style

IF YOUR STYLE’S NAUSEATING

Okay how do I start this, heres a guy, he’s chilling with his hommies in a club at ten dot zero zero pm drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney probably one of those things that would make him five fts taller than usual. So one of his friend’s think it’s a great idea to take a picture, cool lets takes a picture. So three of sit down and one takes the shot.  What next, one of them throws deuces in front his cheap whiskey, another thinks it’s a great idea to bring out his shades where they is no sunshine at night and put it on, (confused) and another sips out of his drink and freezes. Wow, and they just made the perfect picture. I’m not going to sugar coat this there’s a real in the name of this blog. You think that was dope; I don’t think so, that was lame. So much passion in one picture? I don’t get it; why don’t you just take random shots. Talking about pictures here are three donts

·         Do not take a mirror picture if you use one of those old millennium phones eg a curve 1

·         Do not take a picture shirtless if you have no upper body energy i.e potbelly or man boobs. And if you’re gonna from your neck down please

·         If you don’t have the car or you’re not gonna drive it, don’t famz it

Not much to say here adjust your style bro you know who swag is for or should I remind you you’re supposed to be dealing with class?

WHEN YOU’RE OVER CONFIDENT

Okay we all know confidence is a good things; it’s attractive and makes you look good but it can be unattractive when an over is added to it and you turn cheesy or cocky. We hate the fact that at times you think you know it all; oh I know how to get that babe, oh I can land that babe, oh I know how to twist my lips and touch my beard to make that girl kiss me willingly, oh I don’t run to girls they come to me, oh I’m genetically handsome you see this parks; I got it merely by just sitting on the sofa, oh she wants the D because she asked me how my day was. Really? I mean seriously…. Even Channing in all his magnificence and handsomeness is married with a kid. Girls voluntarily raise their top for that guy and you’ve only seen your mom’s titties feeling like El magnifico; GET OVER IT!

Drop the cheesy Johnny Bravo attitude, you’re not that awesome. Look at yourself as normal you’re putting so much energy into being proud? Do you really have to prove so much point? Dump the overconfidence you don’t wanna be surprised one day. You’re one a date and you just spent one hour talking about yourself, how you wrestled with the great Goliath and pushed mount Everest to Nigeria. We really don’t give a rat ass *eye rolling* Really we don’t.

Try a little keeping quiet than talking about all your achievement. Oh that babe, I banged her. Yeah that’s one of my patient I’m a nurse and she has HIV. Not like you’re Troy. So stop it with the over confidence. Its……….ugh!!!!!!!!

WE HATE IT WHEN YOU THINK IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY

Okay I was talking to a friend; this amazing guy. Handsome, tall, smart………handsome, simply amazing then I asked him why he locks up on a lot of girls and he answered

“No girl sincerely likes me, they’re just after what I have to offer I won’t be surprised too”

Swallowing the urge to explode I asked him

“What do you have to offer”

“My dad’s rich now. That’s why I hardly give girls anything cause they are always needy”

So I asked him

“How many girls have asked you today?” he laughed and well stuttered. Okay I’ll stop here

I know some girls are gold diggers and its alarming because the population is increasing. Mom and baby brother’s list need to be satisfied and I need to change my hair. But not all girls are. Yeah yeah I know you’ve heard it all before; that “I’m not like most girls” saying but take it from me; they are still some miss independence who like to do it all by themselves with no booboo’s help. So cut it out; don’t conclude quickly. If a girl likes you it might not be all about what you have to spend on her and if she asks you for help, she might really need it its not like you’re Bill Gates so chill. We have hands we can work too

One more thing before I go to my last point if you’re a guy and you’re a gold digger digging from girls; shame on you

WE HATE IT WHEN YOU TRADE PLANS AND WE ARE CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

I and Tokunbo are supposed to go see the movie; the internship together so we thought it would be amazing just the both of us holdings hands, making out and laughing at a big screen (whatever). So I decided to meet him there by 11:30pm. On getting there I see him and his friends laughing over…..nothing or something I don’t know about. Offended I walk up to him

“Baby!” he yelled excited kissing my forehead

“Heyyyy” I dragged confused “Hi Osanon, Tobi, Ope, Tom, Yemi, Von…” I greeted ”did the whole team come”

“babe come on, did you know that Wolverine is showing in 3D how awesome is that? We have to see it”

“Really Damian what happened to_:”

“Everyone is seeing it” He whispered “We can watch the internship some other day”

Reluctantly I agreed

1 hour later

Everyone is enjoying the movie and I’m pissed. I couldn’t even sit beside my boyfriend I was pushed to the front

“You’re having a great time” he asked leaning forward

“Yeah sure” I forced out angrily

Now here’s a good example of how we feel when you switch plan; close the date for a ball game or cancel because you had to go to this awesome party we won’t tell you but its pretty annoying. Don’t bail on us or one day we will permanently bail on you. And that’s a threat

And that’s it for this week…………………….Drop your comment on what you think of this. Remember swag is for boys class is for men