I'M NOT THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM

Imagine you are Tara

     Tara is fresh out of college with a second class upper in Mass

Communication. Tall, independent and a beautiful woman with steels for

fists and ferrous for feet ready to stomp the world and show the public

that she is a unique and irreplaceable individual willing to  really make a

difference and not just by saying it.

She adjusts her black Swede suit one more time as she stands in front

of the telecommunication company; Airtel to be precise. She did her

internship there two years ago and was hoping they would consider her for

the open job space they advertised in the vanguard newspaper. Closing her

eyes, she takes one last deep breath then opens it and walks confidently

into the gate totally positive that she was the right person for the job.

Entering the door; her heart pounds faster and harder as she begins to

doubt every charming thing she thinks about herself but she walks to the

customer care table nevertheless and states her agenda. They direct her

upstairs where she is directed to the manager’s office for her interview.

Sighing and saying a short prayer she turns the lock of the office and

opens the door. Her heart skips on seeing the manager. She remembered this

face from somewhere. Yeah; it is the kin she sees in movies or read in

novels that she thought were too good to be true and even if they are; she

is certain she isn’t going to come across them in her lifetime. His well

chiseled chin, dark serious eyes, well groomed Afro, built upper body, dark

chocolate skin, smooth looks and his bushy brow to mention a few gives him

that rough masculine look that every lady dreams of.

“Good morning sire” she finally greets politely regaining consciousness but

he is too distracted with the game of Sudoku on his desktop to look up. She

clears her throat still standing at a respectful distance with her CV

in her hand; but he still ignores her

“Good morning sire” she says a little louder. This time he looks up and

smiles at her. It was obvious he heard her the first time

“Miss Tara Akindokun” he asks she looks at him surprisingly and smiles

“Have you been expecting me” she says

“Yes we have been expecting you. Your uncle biological I guess submitted

your CV last week but you didn’t show up on Wednesday”

“Yes. I am sorry Mr.…..” she looks at the tag on his shirt

“Mr. Akin I was indisposed”

“It’s okay”

“Have a seat please” Tara smiles and honors the offer taking a seat

opposite him

 She notices his accent. It is obvious he wasn’t brought up in Nigeria he

accent is fully British

“So Tara “he started smiling generously “Is that what everybody calls you”

he continues

“Except my mom she calls me Funto”

“Nice name” he smiles at her but she looks away trying to hide her timidity

“So what’s it like over here” she said picking the ceramic decor from his

table and concentrating on it

“Any free coffee or lunch” she asks smiling.

He laughs out

“Naaa it’s really hectic….I’m always up and going practically no time to

fool around” she nods in agreement

“And we buy our own lunch and coffee. Its Lagos remember” she smiles back

at him

“Yeah I know I did my IT here” she says he laughs at her dramatic eye rolling

“Two years ago……….and I don’t remember this face” she says

“I wasn’t here yet” he answers she nods in agreement squeezing her lips

“I look forward to working with you” he says still with his warm smile

“You start work tomorrow by eight pm be sure not to come late” he continues

putting her CV back in the file and putting it in his drawer

She looks at him surprisingly

“Wow……ummh so that’s it? No questions or interview I have the job already?......or aren't you going to go through my resume” he looks at her and then stops the game

“An interview? 75 of your colleagues came for that and spoke beautifully

but none of them got the job because the space is specially preserved for

you. That’s how I presume people run things over here. It’s all about knowing

someone right? Not how good someone is. You don’t need an interview Tara

you’ve got the job from the onset”

“Oh…..okay I guess I’ll be living then…ummh see you tomorrow I guess” she

says standing up still confused she turns and heads to the door

“Tara” he calls she turns to him expectantly

“Can I have your contact you know phone number….and maybe get the chance to

take you out one of this days” she smiles to him

“For someone that just insulted me….I guess I should have a chance to think

about that”

“Did I? "

“Indirectly, besides we work together now remember” and with that she left

his office

As you walk home of course you would be excited and happy I mean a classy

handsome intelligent and potential guy just asked you on a date and I’m

sure if you do your homework there’s probably more to him. So my questions

are; would you have doubts? Would you think this way

'This bloke is just too good for me probably has a woman and he wants nothing to do with a

woman like me' Would you think he’s too good to be true? Yes its permitted

to have your doubts you just don’t give every guy a heads on but my problem

lies with you thinking you are not good enough for him. This means you are

not qualified enough to have a decent, classy and intelligent guy beside

you. That is simply inferiority complex and things like this divide a woman's chances into two. Frankly speaking the world is changing just like the ozone layer is

depleting and the globes are warming up; the balance of nature is also

turning upside down. Think about it; sixty years ago we had house wives and

walking class husbands, we had men who would go far to impress a lady. Men

would change their wardrobes, get a new job, try to dress decent and speak

well just so a lady would think they are polished. In the sixties we had

men who removed their hats and bowed their heads to show courtesy to a lady

and men who kissed the palms of women to greet them and in a particular

part of Nigeria, we had men who received lashes I mean serious painstaking

lashes to prove they were strong enough and matured enough to have a wife.

But nowadays I’m talking about this age; men do not care. Now we have

ladies who get boob jobs, wear buttocks pad, change their hair a million

times, lie, steal and even fight to impress a guy. We have house husbands

and working class wives. Guys don’t care nowadays they just do their “own

thing” stay late and play PS with the boys and we ladies have to keep up around the clock even in the midnight when we are allowed to look our ugliest, we try to look good so that we could measure up to a particular standard so we would be good enough for him to take out, and show off to his friends and foes.

But this is not my bone of contention really. My problem lies with ladies

who think they have to be a hundred percent perfect to get the perfect guy.

There are four so whats I want to point out. I mean SCREW IT! No one cares.

If he’s not okay with the way you are then that means he’s not good enough

for you and someone better is out there. Yea! I said it you don’t have to

be desperate

             1.     SO WHAT IF YOU ARE PLUS SIZE

You don’t have to be a size 6 to look good. I have a problem with ladies

who feel they have to change their body to get a man or keep a man. If you

are doing it, do it because you want to feel better or improve yourself if

not don’t do it. Work with what you got. Raven is a plus size but she is

still beautiful because she embraces her body so is monique. She doesn’t wear big tops or

shapeless skirts. No, she embraces herself the way she is. So next time you

go out with your man or your yet to be man on a date or for a drink and you

see those twigs. Shake it off and enjoy the day of all of them he came to

you. There is something that attracted him to you even if it’s the one

thing that you are most insecure about; your body.

Steve Harvey stated in his book “think like a man” that we choose if we are

the sport fish or the keeper. You see sport fish are the ladies that are

just for a while; he takes you out, shows you off, takes pictures with you,

sleeps with you then throws you back. But the keeper is that one lady he

wants to spend the rest of his life with and frankly speaking we choose

which one we want to be by the way we act. So i can be the skinniest twig

or the fattest hippo but my behavior is what goes a long way in determining

if he stays or not. Lack of confidence, insecurity, and all those things

would chase him away. So I employ all ladies reading this to remove all

paranoia view from their head and embrace their body. Candidly; not

everybody can be skinny

2. SO WHAT IF YOU'RE NOT THAT EDUCATED

Let me point something out; you are educated, just not to your satisfaction

not his satisfaction. He probably doesn’t know you are a dropout. You speak

correctly, you are a smart innovative thinker, he loves your ideas and you

are busy killing yourself thinking if he has the slightest idea, He’s going

to drop you. Once again your insecurity sets in. Yes the fact remains that

guys like educated women. They like a woman with a degree and probably

masters. They like a woman with a sound educational background but that

doesn’t mean they can’t make an exception for you. The true reality is no

one’s perfect so they won’t drop you if you dropped out of school. That

doesn’t define you so they won’t use that to judge you. His parents? They

want him to marry a woman with a degree or masters or even a PHD and you

don’t think you are that woman. An advice from me; use your charm and Witt

on them. Be confident and classy and trust me they would forget all about

that and if they don’t; they would learn to accept you with time. So don’t

feel your case is peculiar statistics has it that every 29 seconds, another

student gives up on school, resulting in more than one million American

dropouts a year – or 7,000 every day. Besides if you are lucrative and self

employed all that doesn’t matter.

3.SO WHAT IF YOU DO NOT COME FROM THE SAME CLASS

This one personally pisses me off. We are humans of the 21st century, We live in a western world, we evolved from man like ape to erectus then habilis and successfully to homo sapiens so why the hell do some of us still pick of some behaviors from the man like apes. A lot has changed since Romeo killed himself for Juliet and Mongo park discovered the river Nigeria. I mean a lot has changed since our kings sold us into slavery for boxers and briefs to the Britain. But still societal marriage is one of the most rampant issues in this modern age; the

rich get married to the rich, the influential get married to the

influential, the average get married to the average and the poor; well the

poor get married to the poor. But in your case he’s  the son of minister,

governor, senator, house of rep or a big entrepreneur and you; you’re the

daughter of two ordinary people maybe a civil servant and a nurse or a

technician and a secretary of a small company. News flash; these things

happen every day. It happened in the case of Prince Edward and his lovely

wife. In Philosophy; Heraclitus based his doctrine

on change. He said change is inevitable and that change maintains reality.

He realized that reality ceases is there is no change. We are in a dynamic

world. A world of variety everything is not supposed to be constant. So you

are not the strange case of Benjamin Franklin you’re just one of the many

cases happening every day.

 So as long as the both of you are together for logical reasons not because

you want his money, I don’t see anything wrong with it whether his parent

likes it or not. So don’t go around thinking his mom would bring home some

spider legged, European educated, senator’s daughter who you think measures

up to his standards and not you and he’ll dump you at the snap of his

fingers. Just think of what attracted him to you the very first day he saw

you. You’re not a sport fish and you won’t be treated as one. These entire

little things suppress all the wealth, influence or societal differences he

has compared to you. Besides, he loves you don’t he?  And to me that’s the

only thing that matters. A family is not built on the number of Ferraris in the yard. A family is built on much more

  4. SO WHAT IF YOU LACK SOME WOMANLY ABUNDANCE

You know what I mean in this case, you don't have enough bust or hips and butt and in some cases you have none. So at times you feel like a drawing board; just plain and you know flat. I know its painful when you see this gorgeous Oscar de la Renta gown in a boutique and you eagerly try it on but to you own disappointment, you just don't (how do they put it) fill up the vacant spaces

Yes, I would admit it; womanly abundance makes you look amazing, adds to your sex appeal, makes you feel like a lady with everything in the right places. Even the book every woman admitted to the fact that bust adds to a woman's confidence. But what happens if you're not a ten over ten in this aspect?

Let me point this out; unlike we ladies who are always absent minded and thinking, a guy sees it all; they walk with their eyes working. That's why when a lady passes they turn that is their eyes working

My point exactly; he saw it all but still decided to choose you, woo you, take you out. So don't feel jealous if some Dolly Pattons or Beyonce comes to flirt with your husband. Or if his secretary is some Maria Carey wanna be. He would have gone for all this options they are all over him but he ignored them. He saw something in you he didn't see in others so just relax and enjoy that advantage

Stop comparing your behind the scenes with everyone's highlight reel and kill that Atelphobia which is the fear of being good enough just live life with happiness every passing day.